Come as you are… Part 1
Oddly enough, this is a phrase that most people believe is in the Bible. And yet, it is not stated this way - as we often use it. But the way this phrase sits in our hearts and minds IS a CLEAR and HONEST representation of how God calls us into life with Him. Let’s Ramble together…
This post is off the cuff, raw, and straight outta my brain - rough draft. And it is very purposeful for me to FORCE myself to do it this way today.
Tomorrow would have been Dan and my 25th anniversary. So many years ago, I fell in love with a goofy, kind, patient, caring, determined, and extremely dry-humored and sarcastic teenager. He reminded me of my dad, but sillier. He was generous with his time and attention to those in need, and especially to those in our community that the Bible would call “The Least of These”.
Growing up as the only half-brother of 3 siblings, Dan could have considered himself “the Least”. But he remained objective to the blessings he had been given in life. Loving parents who were determined to stay together, hold their children accountable for dumb actions, infuse fun and adventure into the life and memories of 3 little boys as they grew into young men, and dedicate both time and finances to securing safety and “having a place” for their family. While some of Dan’s friends had moved time and time again, crossing paths with him for only a few years, Dan and his 2 younger brothers were secure, stable, and well rooted in their family home by the time we met.
Youth group was my jam! I was such a people person and loved it when I got to be in the “meet and greet” position of our leadership team. One week, Dan walked in - to this day I can’t remember if his brother(s) were with him or not… I guess I wasn’t paying attention. 😁 Now, before you think it was classic love at first sight, let me clarify. I hadn’t had the opportunity of a new kid on “my week” in months and I was READY to kill it at the “help him plug in and find his new people”.
So after introductions - where I probably spoke much too quickly and with too many words, while he shrugged at me and said “ugh” in true teenage boy fashion - I asked my well-prepared questions:
Do you like sports?
Do you enjoy art?
What do you like to do when wasting time or hanging out with friends?
Imagine my young, bright-eyed, feminine, calculating-for-success brain careening off the edge of a cliff with all the momentum I had built up for perfection as he responded… “No. Nope. I don’t care to have any friends.”
I was stuck. Dumbfounded. Felt like Wile E. Coyote hanging in mid-air after an interaction with Road Runner. Nowhere to turn. The realization of utter failure and the futility of clambering for the cliff edge due to how drastically I had misjudged things. I could not think of a time that I had missed the mark so epically. ** I’m sure my family could chime in here and clarify.. but this is my blog and my page…. so I’m safe.
I felt and looked the part of the fool. Had no idea how to move forward, to clutch any kind of win - or even a sliver of honor. I remember standing slightly leaned against the carpeted wall of the church gymnasium for what felt like ages, next to the snacks at the kitchen window, only partially open so rogue basketballs wouldn’t necessitate tonight’s group game becoming “Cheese Puff Pick up Team Relay”. I stared at the guys playing basketball, the girls on the other side of the gym working on their braided bracelets and chatting about upcoming holiday trips they were excited for. I listened to the young musicians trying to work together and learn from each other in hopes of being on the worship team someday. I thought of the group of youth who came late and got picked up earlier than any of us wanted because life and home was too busy to carve out “hang time” before and after Youth Group. I had no idea where Dan would fit. I had no way to help him. I didn’t know him and had nothing to go on.
And then I saw, for the first time, the heart of the man I would grow to love. He saw a kid who belonged to our Youth Group, was present weekly and had been for over a year. The one that everyone knew his name and was nice enough, but never could remember a time that we hung out with him. Dan asked, “What about that kid? What does he like to do? What group would you put him in?” I’m ashamed to say to this day I cannot remember his name. No idea the color of his hair, if he had siblings, or what his favorite pizza was. In fact, if this story hadn’t been shared with our peers years later and they said “Oh, I remember him!”, I might have assumed is was an angel - placed there by God to give my husband the chance to show who he was and what he was about in that moment.
“What about that kid? What does he like to do? What group would you put him in?”
At the time, I knew the kid’s name and called him over to meet Dan. The rest of the night went well. I learned more about Dan, and the kid was excited to be introduced and included in Dan’s “newly formed group that didn’t know what our awesome was, but knew it would show up”. This was the beginning of the best friendship - including the chaos of epic moments worth their own song and heartbreaking trials that both stressed our friendship and made us stronger at the end - and it was because Dan was willing to come as he was. In telling this story, Dan always said that he didn’t really care about meeting the boy walking by himself in the gym. He says he did it because he didn’t know how to answer those questions for himself, let alone for an unknown person (and a GIRL). He also laughed and said all the color fell outta my face, and he thought I might just hate him forever if he didn’t help me find a win somehow that night. I believe both to be true. He saw me just like he saw that young boy alone and unknowing where to plug in safely. Dan had this way of being that safety net - not gentle or soft, but stable and unwavering - when you find yourself beyond reach of your goal and suddenly in danger with no solution of your own.
I know it’s easy to assume this is “revisionist history”, and those of you who knew Dan and me along these past 25 years will agree that we didn’t always embody the care and support in the story above. I know. I didn’t continue to meet him where he was as much as I wish. He didn’t continue to see me in the same light as that day or the many summers and school years that followed before our wedding day. But at the core of ourselves, we were still the same people so many years later. Dan saw past the crowds and noticed someone he could be present with and encourage when no one else would. I saw the needs of those around me and wanted desperately to solve problems and help them “belong”.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~ Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
God has promised to be my groom. My stable shelter. My comforter. Worthy of all of my love. He asks for me to come to Him just like I am. No need to change to join His story. I am so blessed to know this, and I am trying to live it. I’m excited to feel His easy yoke and lightened burden.
Come Ramble with me!
